8 bands, 4 beers, 2 nights

I've been to as many concerts this week (2) as I have in my entire life. The following is a sort of review of my experience, as well as the bands' performances.

Monday, June 4th, Hawthorne Theatre

The Atmosphere: The Hawthorne reminds me of someone's house. You walk in (after being frisked) and it's just a hallway with two single bathrooms and a door on the left that takes you into the theatre. The theatre is about 40 feet by 60 feet and sports a bar in the center of the room. I ordered $5 Hefeweizens (Portland's Finest) and we (Nikki, Cari, Kate, I) sat in the back so we could stand up on the booth and see the stage. It runs about 86 degrees in the theatre at all times. Wear as little as possible.

Opening Band: Resident Hero
These guys played half-songs and the lead singer rambled on aimlessly about Filet-o-Fish sandwiches and Kool-Aid. I probably could have rocked it harder than them. They finally played a full song towards the end, but I just wanted them to stop.

Band: Sick Puppies
These guys were a little better, but I think that they could work on their name a little more. Sick Puppies sounds like a made-up band name you'd hear on an episode of Full House, to which Danny Tanner would say, "Sick Puppies? Do they sing a song called 'I lost my Alpo in a slipper'?" This would cause the recorded audience to roar into a frenzy and cause me to change the channel.

Band: Kill Hannah
These guys were decent. I've heard of them before, but didn't know any of the words to their songs. I think we were just killing time to get to the main act...and trying to keep Kate from vomiting.

Closing Band: Flyleaf
A band that scares Amy, these five were the band we came to see and they didn't disappoint. The lead singer is a chick who is about 5 feet tall, but she can scream with the best of them. I knew most of the songs here and they did a pretty good job live. Mr. Filet-o-Fish came back on the stage and sang a little with them and didn't do a bad job. Lead singer Lacey Mosley did that weird Ashlee Simpson/Rocker Chick Twirly Spin thing a lot. By this time we were sweating our asses off and couldn't wait to leave.

Tuesday, June 5th, Roseland Theatre

The Atmosphere: A little more gothic and smelly than the Hawthorne. We (Carli, Audra, Nikki, I) walked in and were immediately segregated by gender to enter two metal detectors to check for guns, knives, shivs, shanks or any other metal device that you could use to injure another spectator. Next, I was patted down by a large Samoan man who asked me if I smelled weed. Probably because I constantly look high due to my lazy eye (damn genetics) and the fact that I'm almost never completely awake. "No," I said as he pulled my keys out of my pocket. "OK, he said, and I was on my way deeper into the theatre to be stamped. We made it upstairs and upstairs again to the bar where I ordered a Budweiser and we found some seats. I was sitting in front of one of the air conditioners so while everybody else was at a cool 60 degrees, Nikki and I were chillin' at about 50 degrees.

Opening Band: Inflikt
These guys were a local band and didn't do a horrendous job. The vocals could use some work, but what vocals can you hear when you're listening to metal? It just seemed like the guy was screaming so that there would be sound to accompany the guitars, drums and ambient noise.

Band: Invitro
This band was the most entertaining as they came out in aluminum foil helmets and the lead singer was speed-walking throughout the entire set. They were good enough for Carli to buy their CD (for a dollar) so I guess they did something right. After they were done, I found myself in a conversation with a guy who was displeased with the lack of other people's hygiene. He was pretty drunk so it made for interesting conversation. At this point, we moved from our upstairs seats to the floor for the final two bands.

Band: Otep
Probably the band Carli wanted to see most, they have a female lead singer who can get her voice deeper than James Earl Jones and Barry White. It's like something out of a horror movie when she screams. It's what I imagine Satan must sound like when he drops something on his foot. She rocked the audience and got them all pissed off at President Bush. They were awesome and even sampled some Nirvana. (Note: the baby doll's head on the microphone stand was creepy.)

Closing Band: Static-X
Absolutely awesome. They played for what seemed like an hour and had the entire place on it's feet. People in the balcony were leaning over trying to get closer to them. It was amazing to look around and see everybody rockin' out as hard as they could. I now want to do my hair like Wayne Static (of course I'll have to grow it out a bit). He was a character and made people go crazy. Every two or three songs, the band would do shots and the crowd would cheer.


We left the theatre smelling like other people's body odor and weed. We were also all partially deaf which made us hungry for Taco Bell (I had a Grilled Stuft Burrito and a small burrito or taco). My hearing is still only at about 92% as I still have a faint buzzing sound going. It was good times though and a great way to spend my two days off from work.