Look Ma, No Hands!! (And Other Tales of Fashion)

I don't know what to say about the current Bluetooth fad other than it confuses and terrifies me. I encounter these people with Britney Spears head mics popping out of their ears on a daily basis. I know you should be hands free while you're driving your car, but why are you walking through the store or down the street talking into your Bluetooth? Everybody else thinks you are talking to yourself!

So this leads me to ask the question of when did it become popular to appear as if you are fuckin crazy?

I don't understand why people need to be hands free while walking down the street. What's the point? And half of the time, they are holding their phone in their hand while they use the bluetooth!! That is a contradiction unlike no other. That's like holding a spoon and eating your cereal by immersing your face in 2 percent and Count Chocula.

Another thing that people continue to wear when they don't need to is the bike helmet. Again, you look absolutely retarded. Do you really need to protect your skull while you pick out your Dannon Yogurt and Tide Detergent? When was the last time you almost hit your head while picking up Kid Cuisine for your children? You may know that Portland is one of the leading cities in the U.S. in bicycle tolerance, so there are plenty of opportunities (especially where I work) to see the people still wearing bike helmets and gloves into a building. You couldn't take 12 seconds to pop off your foam dome and mesh gloves? (This woman is showing you the international sign for douchebaggery.)

I was at the mall recently. I don't go often for the mere fact that teenagers give me a headache. I know that makes me sound old, but fuck off. What can I say, unnecessary noise and ugly people annoy me. Especially ugly, loud people who wear ridiculous things. I saw two teens wearing shutter shades. I turned to the teenager closest to me as he walked by and said, "You look dumb." Somebody needs to say something. And if super-creepy Joe Simpson wears them, then ew! Enough said.

Hoopless in Seattle

After 40-odd years in the Emerald City, the Supersonics are gone. As a (diehard) Blazer fan, I'm undecided on how I feel about the whole thing. Part of me will miss the rivalry between Seattle and Portland. The other part of me says, "Suck on that, Sea-Tac!!"

I'd say things aren't really going well for the city. First, Boeing leaves town, then Starbucks announces they will close 600 shops, now the Sonics are the property of OKC.

I'm sure I'd be absolutely devastated if the Blazers left to play in Branson, Missouri, but now the Blazers are the only NBA team around until Sacramento and Utah. We own this corner of the U.S. now. Whether we'll inherit fans from Seattle is of no concern to me. They don't seem all that intelligent in the first place. Why support building new stadiums for the Seahawks and Mariners and not the Sonics? It's obvious that the fans didn't give a damn until it was too late and Uncle Clay had the moving vans all but loaded. They waited too long and now they'll be stuck watching the worst team in the MLB and the Seahawks.

Farewell Supes!