Crazy (Not Sexy or Cool)

I want to ask you a question if I may. Why do all of the crazies in this town gravitate toward me? Is there something about me that acts as a magnet for nuttiness? Now, sure my family is wacko, but why do I constantly encounter crazy people? I'm like a freak beacon lately.

For instance, this morning I had to stop and get gas at ARCO. Now normally, I wouldn't stop at this station because of the inferior gas they offer. However, my gas tank was emptier than my stomach...and it was 5:30AM. Not many gas outlets are available at this time of the morning. And why the hell aren't allgas stations 24 hours?

Anybody who knows me knows that I am not a morning person. Far from it. Random strangers think I smoke pot, co-workers think I'm an asshole. It's the time when my lazy eye is at its laziest. I try to avoid people during this time of day. It's one of the few times I can be by myself and gather my thoughts. I don't want to talk to you AT ALL.

So as I stroll into the AM/PM to pay for my gas, I stop at the drink case and grab an energy drink that I desperately need. The new Monster Rehab. It's an Arnold Palmer in Monster form. I've been on a lemonade/iced tea kick this year for some reason. Nevertheless, I approached the counter and stood behind a woman who seemed to be having an argument with the Arab gentleman working the register.

I'm a pretty observant person when I'm out and about. Even in my altered state of awakeness, I could tell this fuckin' twat was giving this guy shit. He was trying to help her, there's no doubt. Why would the guy NOT want to get her in and out of that place? Yeah, he's purposely trying to piss off the crazy chick. That's how he wants his day to go.

At this point, I've already reached my maximum annoyance level. I'm about twelve seconds away from screaming at this lady. After (I think his name was Saveen) ran her EBT card twice, and both times it came back declined (for one reason or another; she stole it, spent it...use your imagination). Then she starts laying into poor Saveen (sounds like a made up name and he should be working at Saveen-Elaveen) because she has no money. She's raising all kinds of hell in the place. She claims that he's discriminating against her (because she's white?) and that she wants his supervisor's name and he can't do his job right.

He finally agrees to run it a third time and as he does it, this bitch turns to me in the middle of one of her rants and says, "This guy (referring to me) knows what you're (Saveen) doing to me. He'll (me) tell y-"

...And that's when I just had to interject. I didn't choose my words wisely. My filter was removed. I lacked decorum. I just said what I thought. "I don't fucking care lady. I really don't. Hurry the fuck up." She appeared puzzled. I was slightly concerned. My neighborhood isn't the greatest. It's not uncommon for people to be shot around these parts. After accepting the fact that I wasn't going to side with her, she turned back to Saveen, who also seemed surprised at my response, and continued with, "I EARNED this money and you won't help me."

...

My mind was sufficiently and effectively blown. I almost spoke up again. My filter returned. My words were muted. Shit.

If I had said something, it'd probably have sounded something like, "Are you fucking insane? YOU earn the money for that card? Really? Do you know why I'm half-awake right now? Because I have to go to the job that pays for that card. So, in effect you lazy twat, I earned the money for that. Money that you've obviously blown on L&M lights and wine coolers. Now take you're broke ass out to your fucking car and get out of my way, so I can continue to fund your drug habit."

Saveen finally ended it all by writing down his supervisor's name and phone number. She got into her pieced together Geo Metro and left. Her car was an interesting side note to the whole experience. The body was obviously pieced together with parts from fellow Geos that are in car heaven.

She probably wasn't going to call the supervisor. She just wanted to raise a stink so that maybe he would cave and let her have free gas. I will never understand the mind of a crazy person. My brain can't decode their irrationalities. Maybe I'll just start using the tactic described above. It just might keep my brain from overheating.