The Kid

My son turned 21 months old today. I always used to hate it when I'd ask a person how old their kid was and they'd say, "22 months." Now I have to take a second to do math and figure out how old your bastard child is. I now realize that if I told you my kid was one years old, you'd think he was a giant. My kid IS a giant, but every time someone asks me his age, I start with, "he's almost 2" and then submit the painful "21 months." I also realize that this will end once he turns two. There's no way that I'll say my son is 58 months old. See because now you still don't know how old he is (4 years, 10 months) and I sound like a pretentious dickhole.

He is growing everyday and after spending two days at home, I'm sometimes ready to go back to work. He's loud, obnoxious, sweaty, crazy, stubborn, adorable and bipolar all at the same time. He likes to headbutt, attack the cat, smack faces, fist bump, and give you a high-five all at once.

He's quick with a "what's that" but can't say much else. If you tell him no, he'll headbutt the couch or ground. Take something away from him and he'll scream his face off and hold his breath until he turns purple. His new hobby is to shove his hand down his throat and puke all over the place. He's aiming to be the poster child for toddler bulimia.

He's knows a lot more than he lets on at times. He understands what we say, he just has other ideas about what should happen at any given moment. Selective hearing is an understatement with this kid. I imagine this is what most kids are like at his age (21 months....or a year and 9 months...whatever).

I know that all kids are "beautiful" but there are some really ugly kids out there. If we go out in public and somebody doesn't tell me how handsome he is, that will be the first time.

My kid is a lot of things but there isn't one thing I would change about him. He is perfect in my eyes and hopefully my wife and I are doing right by him and raise him to be a responsible young man who will raise a family of his own someday.