No, this won't be a list of "My USA" where I list the people and ideas that come from the USA that make me proud to be an American. Maybe later Carly.It's hard to imagine what it would be like to live in such a time when the country was united together to kick British ass. If you asked your average American today, they probably couldn't tell you why we celebrate the Fourth of July. Would they know who we gained our independence from? Probably not. We here south of the border just like to blow off appendages and make craters in the ground. God Bless the USA!
Why is everybody an expert pyrotechnician on the Fourth of July? My favorite event that happens during any fireworks celebration is the dud. You lit that explosive device and nothing happened...yet. Nobody wants to go near it because you never know what might happen. Most people will kick the dud to make sure it isn't going to explode. That really shows you how much people value their feet. I'd much rather blow off a hand than a foot. At least I'd be able to walk myself into the emergency room.
Our forefathers would probably be appalled to learn that even though they put their lives on the line to get away from the British, we take their crappy shows and turn them into our own crappy shows like American Idol. And now we have to live with Ryan Seacrest? Fuck that man, I'd rather pay taxes every time I took a sip of tea than watch Ryan Seacrest. Not to mention we have a British guy judging American talent? No offense, Simon, but I believe George Washington would kick you in the mouth if you told him he was a lousy singer.
We should be celebrating not only our independence, but the lives of three U.S. Presidents who have died on this glorious day in history. John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died on America's 50th Birthday, July 4th, 1826. Five years later, James Monroe would make three Presidents to croak on our nation's proudest day. So, Mr. Clinton, Mr. H.W. Bush, Mr. Carter, be careful this Wednesday. I wouldn't worry about Dubya, nothing will end his term soon enough.
