Why Old People Need to be Stopped

I realize it's been a month and a half since I last blogged. Let's be real here. I can't update things as often as I'd like because my brain doesn't cooperate with my free time so I'm just going to do some blogging here and there and just so you don't have to check back everyday for new mind-blowing commentary, I'll just update you through my stati (plural for status?) on Facebook (facebook.com/dexheimer), MySpace (myspace.com/southeastproduct) and Twitter (twitter.com/dex503). Now, on to developing news...

I was groggy in the breakroom at work. It was 5:45AM. Usually while I wait to give my life away, I watch the local news. They did a story on Buzz Aldrin burgeoning rap career. Yes, you read that correctly. Mr. Aldrin, the second man on the moon, the national hero, the 79 year old white guy, is rapping about his voyage to the moon. His single, Rocket Experience, is available on iTunes to download.

First off, I'd like to hack into iTunes to see how many people have purchased this gem. Secondly, why has this been allowed to happen? Who thought this would ever be a great idea? Ok, the answer to that second question is Snoop Dogg, Quincy Jones, Talib Kweli, etc. Ok, and the proceeds go to Aldrin's charity. Whatever. I have no problem with people doing charity work or being interested in space travel and NASA. I do have a problem with the way Buzz, who will be henceforth referred to in this blog by his rap pseudonym, Doc Rendezvous, goes about raising money. Hold a G-D golf tournament or something. Sell some memorabilia. Write a book for f's sake! You'd probably make more money by standing on a corner in Orlando selling prune juice to other elderly people.

Maybe it's just me, but when I see an old person trying to be cool or doing something that they shouldn't, I get embarrassed for them, and then I get mad at them for making me feel bad for them. A good example of this is when old people try to play sports or skateboard. This isn't just Doc Rendezvous either. Most old people do things like this.


Let's keep the elderly in their comfort zones people. Please, continue to watch Jeopardy, crap yourselves in public places, drive 31 mph on the Interstate, yell at the drive thru operator, wear shorts with black dress socks pulled to your knees, drive a Rascal 31 mph in public places, be confused by new technology, vote Republican, etc. There is no place for you in a rap studio surrounded by men half your age smoking weed and calling you Doc Rendezvous.

Just for humor's sake, please listen to the sample on iTunes by clicking here.

I almost want to buy it and listen to the whole thing. Maybe I'll blip it.

Volume 5.0 Prologue

I have returned again to entertain the few people who enjoy my writing. I realize that after I announced my last return, I entered about 3 or 4 posts and quit again so I cannot make anymore promises. I will take it one day at a time and try to find time to sit down every couple of days to write.

The topics will be less sports-related and more about current events and things that tend to piss me off from day to day. After all, those posts seem to generate the most feedback and "lmfao's". I've been brainstorming for about a day and come up with some topics to write about this first week. Hopefully I can find the time to write it all out while I care for my pregnant wife who can't seem to stay healthy for longer than two consecutive days. She is my biggest fan when it comes to this blog thing, so we'll see.

Finally, I'd like to thank the academy and everyone else who reads this. Hopefully my audience grows a little more this time so I can have more than three people yelling at me to enter a new post. Sometimes I like to entertain people with my absurd tales of public transportation drunkardry (yep, that's a made up word) and the elderly losing the ability to control their bladders, dentures, and hatred for new technologies. So tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell that guy who carries around the fake baby...

ASP is back.