Wow, you look retarded!

I'm not sure if anyone knows this, but I am no trendsetter or dictator of popular fashion...but there is one trend I may never understand. Maybe my 23 years have made me wiser and more mature. What's with the kiddie backpacks on teenagers? It is not cool to sport a Dora the Explorer or SpongeBob SquarePants backpack in high school. I don't care what you say, you look absolutely fucking dumb!


And to reiterate how retarded you are, your disregard for a common sensical dress code is a bad move because you sure as hell can't fit more than a day planner in those tiny satchels. Where are your notebooks and pens, your books and highlighters, your white-out and calculator? I'll tell you where they are...in a normal sized backpack!

I'm glad I could express my opinion on this matter, as it has bothered me for some time now.

Book Review: Red Hot and Rollin'

It's not very often that I read a book...ever, unless there is some information I need to have before a test. If that's the case, I still don't really read, I skim. Skimming is a wonderful, and often tricky art that takes eons to master. Anybody can skim, but to skim and extract useful information, that's another ballgame gentlemen!

As I was boogey-boarding (or surfing) the Internet, "reading" about the Trail Blazers' thirtieth anniversary of their lone championship, I discovered that someone had edited a collection of stories written by journalists and/or regular people who re-lived their Blazermania. They told you what they were doing and how they felt when Portland made its unprecented run at the NBA Title in the Summer of 1977.

One of my favorite entries is written by "The Enforcer" Maurice Lucas. He talks about how the Blazers turned the series around in Game 2 when he punched Darryl "Chocolate Thunder" Dawkins in the head after Dawkins tried to punch teammate Bobby Gross. The Blazers were about to lose by twenty points and fall behind in the series 0-2 when Lucas had had enough of the Sixers rough play.

...it was our defining moment as to what our characters were going to be, and I was like, "I am not going down like this!" if nothing else, we were coming out fighting.

The Blazers would win four straight after that and win the Championship in six games. The book also includes a DVD called "Fast Break" that pretty much follows Bill Walton around has a few great highlights from the playoff run and downtown parade where over 250,000 people sweated and cheered as Walton and Lucas dumped Miller High Life (before Portland became the PBR capital) on the NBA trophy.

It's a great book and definitely worth the read if you're a die-hard Blazer fan.

Saved by greGODen!

Yes the day has come and gone, and it was as sweet as I imagined it would be. The Trail Blazers selected Greg Oden on Thursday and also picked up some good players while dumping Zach Randolph on Isiah Thomas. Although we picked up Stevie F***chise (I wouldn't dare declare him our fran***se player...I can't even say the word.) I have a feeling that he'll never wear a Blazers' uniform, but he's still the guy who cried when he was drafted by the Vancouver Grizzlies. He cried like a bitch because he didn't want to play in Canada. I guess nobody told him they grow herb in the B.C. too. I don't want to comment too much on the rest of the roster until it's completed, but I have never been as anxious for the season to start and to watch the man in person. I can't wait until he dunks on LeBron. I'll be there to see it.

I wanted to see him on Friday at Pioneer Courthouse Square, but a sleepless night left me tired as hell and in no way wanting to get out of bed. But, from the picture below, I can tell that this guy has pumped the city full of Blazermania once again.

Bless You!

Now that I've just taken my last final of the term and consequently completed my fifth year at the U, I've refocused my attention towards the general public and found some things that disturb me.

Handkerchief
Not only is this abomination of personal hygiene unsightly, it is one of the most annoying words to try and spell without first verifying it with a dictionary. Frequently utilized by the elderly, it's a rag that you pull from your pocket, unfold, and discharge the contents of your nose into. This part of it is all fine and dandy as all people find a point in time where they wish they had a pocket pack of Kleenex available so they could blow their "nose on the go". The next step is unnerving to me and I'm sure I'm not alone here. After the final blow, the old guy folds it into fourths, gives a final wipe of the schnozz, folds again, and puts in back into his pocket!

You can imagine walking down the street, eyeing the elderly and wondering if they have their bodily fluids encased in cloth and burning a hole in their pocket. And then they expect you to shake their hand when you meet them? Screw that! Maybe it's the OCD talking, but I've gotta wash my hands after shaking with an old person. Just the thought of a soaked handkerchief soaking through their pocket makes me want to convulse violently until they leave. So this may not be the consensus, but it's my opinion. And if you think the handkerchief is a single-use item, think again. When that guy pulls it back out of his pocket and blows another shot of mucus into that rag, he's rubbing his old snot all over his nose and face. I really can't think of anything more disgusting other than adult diapers.

Seat-Jumper
This is the person on the public transportation who sits next to a complete stranger on a crowded bus or train and then when a seat comes available and they have the opportunity to sit by themselves with an open seat next to them, they jump up and take it without letting the people who are standing get the first crack at sitting down. When this happens, I like to sit next to Mr. or Mrs. Seat-Jumper so they get all pissed off. That's right, you moved for no reason. You're still sitting next to someone you don't know, and now you are trapped between me and the window!

8 bands, 4 beers, 2 nights

I've been to as many concerts this week (2) as I have in my entire life. The following is a sort of review of my experience, as well as the bands' performances.

Monday, June 4th, Hawthorne Theatre

The Atmosphere: The Hawthorne reminds me of someone's house. You walk in (after being frisked) and it's just a hallway with two single bathrooms and a door on the left that takes you into the theatre. The theatre is about 40 feet by 60 feet and sports a bar in the center of the room. I ordered $5 Hefeweizens (Portland's Finest) and we (Nikki, Cari, Kate, I) sat in the back so we could stand up on the booth and see the stage. It runs about 86 degrees in the theatre at all times. Wear as little as possible.

Opening Band: Resident Hero
These guys played half-songs and the lead singer rambled on aimlessly about Filet-o-Fish sandwiches and Kool-Aid. I probably could have rocked it harder than them. They finally played a full song towards the end, but I just wanted them to stop.

Band: Sick Puppies
These guys were a little better, but I think that they could work on their name a little more. Sick Puppies sounds like a made-up band name you'd hear on an episode of Full House, to which Danny Tanner would say, "Sick Puppies? Do they sing a song called 'I lost my Alpo in a slipper'?" This would cause the recorded audience to roar into a frenzy and cause me to change the channel.

Band: Kill Hannah
These guys were decent. I've heard of them before, but didn't know any of the words to their songs. I think we were just killing time to get to the main act...and trying to keep Kate from vomiting.

Closing Band: Flyleaf
A band that scares Amy, these five were the band we came to see and they didn't disappoint. The lead singer is a chick who is about 5 feet tall, but she can scream with the best of them. I knew most of the songs here and they did a pretty good job live. Mr. Filet-o-Fish came back on the stage and sang a little with them and didn't do a bad job. Lead singer Lacey Mosley did that weird Ashlee Simpson/Rocker Chick Twirly Spin thing a lot. By this time we were sweating our asses off and couldn't wait to leave.

Tuesday, June 5th, Roseland Theatre

The Atmosphere: A little more gothic and smelly than the Hawthorne. We (Carli, Audra, Nikki, I) walked in and were immediately segregated by gender to enter two metal detectors to check for guns, knives, shivs, shanks or any other metal device that you could use to injure another spectator. Next, I was patted down by a large Samoan man who asked me if I smelled weed. Probably because I constantly look high due to my lazy eye (damn genetics) and the fact that I'm almost never completely awake. "No," I said as he pulled my keys out of my pocket. "OK, he said, and I was on my way deeper into the theatre to be stamped. We made it upstairs and upstairs again to the bar where I ordered a Budweiser and we found some seats. I was sitting in front of one of the air conditioners so while everybody else was at a cool 60 degrees, Nikki and I were chillin' at about 50 degrees.

Opening Band: Inflikt
These guys were a local band and didn't do a horrendous job. The vocals could use some work, but what vocals can you hear when you're listening to metal? It just seemed like the guy was screaming so that there would be sound to accompany the guitars, drums and ambient noise.

Band: Invitro
This band was the most entertaining as they came out in aluminum foil helmets and the lead singer was speed-walking throughout the entire set. They were good enough for Carli to buy their CD (for a dollar) so I guess they did something right. After they were done, I found myself in a conversation with a guy who was displeased with the lack of other people's hygiene. He was pretty drunk so it made for interesting conversation. At this point, we moved from our upstairs seats to the floor for the final two bands.

Band: Otep
Probably the band Carli wanted to see most, they have a female lead singer who can get her voice deeper than James Earl Jones and Barry White. It's like something out of a horror movie when she screams. It's what I imagine Satan must sound like when he drops something on his foot. She rocked the audience and got them all pissed off at President Bush. They were awesome and even sampled some Nirvana. (Note: the baby doll's head on the microphone stand was creepy.)

Closing Band: Static-X
Absolutely awesome. They played for what seemed like an hour and had the entire place on it's feet. People in the balcony were leaning over trying to get closer to them. It was amazing to look around and see everybody rockin' out as hard as they could. I now want to do my hair like Wayne Static (of course I'll have to grow it out a bit). He was a character and made people go crazy. Every two or three songs, the band would do shots and the crowd would cheer.


We left the theatre smelling like other people's body odor and weed. We were also all partially deaf which made us hungry for Taco Bell (I had a Grilled Stuft Burrito and a small burrito or taco). My hearing is still only at about 92% as I still have a faint buzzing sound going. It was good times though and a great way to spend my two days off from work.